And no one cares.The letter.It arrived after months of dedicated fasting. She was banished from my eyes andfrom my thoughts. I was occupying myself with music and porn and glue. Thosewere good days in fact. I had no worries back then except to forget about a girlI could never have. I was free to explore all the pleasures my body and mindoffered and I did it, I drank from the source, ate like a pig, swallowed pornand glue and weed and cider and lager and I masturbated furiously.And before I was aware, I was free of her. It became possible to think about herand not experience just pain. I stopped caring. A good thing.And then, the letter."I know I have to thank you, you taught me how hard it is wishing just for theonly thing you can never have."The only thing she could never have.She could never have.Never have.Me.It was like a bad pulp romantic novel. I could smell the glue, the cheap painton greyish paper, the pages stuffed chockfull of cliches and stereotypes, thecharacters made of. She chose a deep purple dress rather than black. She was sad for Josh and his family, but she felt no sadness that her family were now safe from Nik’s insanity. To Peri, it seemed as though Dante was more upset about Nik’s death than Josh. She wondered if in the days before Nik had been sent to the Battaglia and again when she had tried to kill her had altered Josh’s perception of Nik in ways that Dante couldn’t understand. If Josh had been at the courthouse and seen how she had been during the trial Peri imagined, he would know that this was the best outcome for her and his children. He had told her, at the time, he couldn’t be there, none of his family could be seen to be supporting Nik. Still, the bond he had shared with Nik should have made him more responsive to her death, Peri thought. She gave a half smile as she came out of the bedroom dressed for the memorial. Dante returned her half smile, but Josh seemed not to notice and moved to embrace her as if going through the.
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